Summer 2018. A couple years into fatherhood. Still holding onto all sorts of creative dreams but making little progress. I was juggling compulsions, goals, responsibilities, thoughts, worries…
I was getting into mindfulness meditation. I dabbled in meditation since childhood, but I had not previously made it a routine practice. Meditation now is among a slew of efforts toward getting my routines and life in better order.
One day in August (2018), I took a break from some chores. I put on some random music. I heard some singer-songwriter stuff I liked well enough. I felt inspired (and perhaps also looking for an outlet to procrastinate and push away some stress).
I picked up my guitar, and a new song came out. It was just a bunch of thoughts that had been on my mind. Thoughts about my relationships, my compulsions, my procrastination. I recorded a better take a couple days later. Now, in early 2020, I'm finally posting it:
Through 2019, I succeeded in better sorting my priorities, improving my health and routines. Creating and posting new recordings turns out not to fit my top priorities right now. Hence taking 18 months to post this.
I have hopes and plans for more creative output sometime soon. My song here is a hint of some things to come. But I can't do everything, and that's okay. I even had a bunch of notes about more details to add to this very post — explaining the one fretlet I had on my guitar in the recording, more context about the musical style, the meaning… But now, I have to let this all go, get to my other responsibilities, and get to bed on time. Goodnight.
P.S. Happy Valentine's Day 2020 (I had my wife in mind as the "you" in the song, and I'll write her more songs some day. At least I can dedicate this post to her. Thank you, Samantha, for supporting me in all the other priorities that do matter more. I love you.)
P.P.S. I also want to find better ways to share my music that have no paywalls, ads, etc. I have some lists to look into. I've put some things on Archive.org in the past. I really don't like that you have to log in to Soundcloud to download the song (though streaming it doesn't require log in at least). Like everything else I do, it's licensed with CC BY-SA — everyone can and should share and otherwise do anything you want with this as long as you include credit and keep the license in order to pass the freedoms on.